The Holiest Five Elements Of Programming

Being a programmer is quite easy.
All ya gotta do is concentrate of Five, yes, Five holly elements of all.

parsing, structuring, sorting, searching, documenting

*parsing
This is how you make sense of all the jive coming through a pipe (a stream, a file or something else, it doesn't matter). It comes ordered one by one, and your main job is making sense of it (calling functions, and rearrange them bytes in the way you like)
This is how you would

*structuring:
This is how you would add ORDER where there is none.
Upon parsing the idea for structure should be in your mind and nothing else should disencourage you from making the leap of making order.
Basic types of structures:
**Linear.
yes. Some things fall in line.
**Non-Linear.
**Unordered.

Remember, Restructuring is another way of saying DESTROY and restructure!
Order out of chaos is the middle finger that you _MUST_ deal with.

*Sorting
Now that you're ackquanted with parsing and structuring, your next dreadful task is to sort'em'out!
Bubble sort them if you feel stUpid. Two for's for ya!
Quick sort them and tell em that you can do it! Remember, there is a tale of a Lion and a cage. Tell em bout that... Draw crazy doodles and show them that you can think, and politely tell 'em that you are simply a programmer nothing more and that your profession is a dying one and that all those mathematician have their freakish giant tools with which your dying trade is down. Yeah... sorting is hard from this point of view. And really it is. Search the damn machine

Dcoumenting...
AAarhrhrhr! That dreaded word.
DOCUMENT _WHY_ are you doin' the thing you're doin' ;)
Be a bueaurocratic bitch even if that takes time.
Documentation is FOR YA and is for silent communication with other's little things like you

*hic!* *hic!*

So... there you go... you ARE a programmer.
If you cannot afford a damn machine doodle liek a crazy idiot on the sand and use your mind to program. Another way to f*ck w/ your mind is creating idiotic

Remember, you ARE a little cog in that spirit crushin machine called humanity/scoal order and aaaaaal those wrods.
REmember, you STILL are the BEST self-repairing machine. IF you enter the realm of being overloaded with symbols, start meditating or some sh1t. Invent something in your mind, imagine space ships or something... You are _a_ programmer therefore a small imaginative being that should be ... hmm... yeah...
Good buy and much luck and lunches.. for ya

Have a beer or something :]